The institution of marriage is as ancient as it can be and as such all religions over the world have great respect for this institution. Though marriage is believed to have love as its bases, the trend seems to be different these days. These days, society’s perception about what should entail a love relationship leading to marriage seems to be based on material wealth and personality rather than entering a relationship based on the person’s character and so most of us in order to fit into this grand scheme are living fake lives with people, pathetically believing in these fake lives as the real us.
Some few months before my Dad passed away, I had the chance to have a son and father chat about marriage and relationships. As to what sparked the conversation I can’t really tell but somehow we ended up talking about this. One of the questions he asked me was when I was going to introduce my girlfriend to him and all I did was laugh since I had none. However one of the most important things he said that has stuck in me, is that most of us young men want to get everything before we get married but what entails this everything? Well it s true some of us want to have our own well furnished apartments, car, a fat bank account and a good job. Who can blame a young man for having such a dream in relation to marriage? Trust me I’ve dated at most two ladies who at the end of the day felt I had nothing to offer them because I do not drive a car like my friends do.
Two years ago when I was directing and producing a TV talk show and the hostess had the chance to interview the owner of the hotel which was our location and his lovely wife.To be honest with you and I, they never came across to me as people who had gone through hardships in life looking at the wealth they had. Apparently when they got married 26 years ago they lived in a thirty feet container which was half full of car spare parts and according to the woman her friends shunned her company and most of the time she had to pretend that everything was okay when friends and family visited even though things proved to be very difficult at time. According to the man he had wanted to marry another lady but the lady told him specifically that he was just a mere spare parts dealer leaving in a container. A thirty feet container for that matter with nothing to his name. Now not only is he the representative of JVC electronics in West Africa but also runs his own businesses. I’m indeed humbled by their story
Listening to them, a thought about what most of the current crop of ladies seek in young guys like me who are potential husbands knock me hard like a dondo stick drumming a dondo. I’m one of those people who believes that the best person to be my spouse has to be a good friend but trust me I’ve been a failure in getting any of the two friends I fell in love with over the years to date me. Back in those days when I spoke to one of the two and all she said was ‘Selikem do not start those things with me today’ and just laughed. Upon analysis I’ve realized that though we are good friends I do not possess the things they believe a potential boyfriend of theirs must have in terms of material or spiritual things(That’s how I see it). Sadly enough I can’t pretend to be what I’m not to get what I want and need and so I let things be hoping and praying that things will change pretty soon. It is indeed very difficult to understand a woman and her wants from where I’m positioned and most guys share these sentiments with me. Most of the ladies would prefer someone who can readily provide for them rather than someone like me who is now building up a life and not well to do. Most of the time I wonder what runs through their mind when you become successful later on in life and theirs is a scum. Something I wish wouldn’t befall any of my two adorable friends since it will just be too much for me to bear.
On the other hand why would I blame these ladies who want already ‘cooked meals’ when some guys are just heartless and would send the ladies who tirelessly worked with them parking with the flimsiest of excuses when they feel the there are well to do and therefore no longer need the services of these noble ladies. So for me, no matter what happens I want to be ‘me’ in any relationship I find myself and have respect, love, appreciation and gratitude to all persons in my life especially the lady I will get married to whether I’m rich or poor and as my friends I will like to encourage you to do the same but the question still remains ‘What do we seek in a relationship’?