The bases of all relationships is LOVE, however, there are a lot of things that need to be invested in relationships to make them work. Romantic love is a -two way traffic thing but then again the worst feeling one can have is to be in a relationship and yet feel lonely. Today as we celebrate Valentine’s day, one of the many borrowed cultures we hold in high esteem, most of the young ladies are going to legally(though with no constitutional backing) extort things they need from us (guys) in the name of love, yet most of us guys will not get any presents at all. Let us look at this hypothetical story of our good friend Koo Kusi who earns GHC700.00 as monthly salary and is in love with a lady who wants him to take her out for dinner today at a plush place. On the average a dinner for two on Val’s day will cost GHC 300.00, he has to get her a box of Swiss chocolate which will cost GHC 100.00, a customized bracelet or necklace which will cost him GHC 150.00. You’ll realize that I have not even factored in transportation and other ‘komininis’ but our Koo Kusi who is in love has exhausted all his monthly income on a night out all in the name of Valentine’s day. So you see that being single on Valentine’s Day saves guys a lot of money on this day? I know most ladies reading this will say it is the duty of a guy to spend on his girlfriend but the question is must you, ladies, always be at the receiving end? For a change take you boyfriend out and do these this for him. So in my quest to find a lasting solution to stopping this extortion I came up with some perfect ideas of gifts to give to your girlfriend who feels it is a must for her to extort you on Val’s Day.
Girls love surprises on days like this, so instead of introducing her to your real girlfriend which will be more than a surprise to her, offer her breakfast in bed on condition that she will get the hot water ready. If she had slept over at your place all you need to tell her is to heat some water for you and tell her you’d be right back. Go to the provision kiosk around the corner and buy ‘thisway chocolate drink’ and trust nia wo hia ni nsio sh3.
Today being a day for Chocolate, one of the paramount demands is for you to get her chocolate. If you can’t afford the Swiss chocolate that she wants, go get cocoa powder, add a little sugar to it and make a paste which you then very shallowly fry in some few drops of Frytol or Coconut oil, dry the past so it becomes hard and there is your chocolate for her.
Aside chocolate she is going to demand for Ice cream so just go to the provision Kiosk and and buy ‘Di na ta’ milk powder GHC 2.00 come home, add some sugar to it, a little cornflour, make a thick solution out of this and put it in your freeze and there! You have Ice cream for her. You can add different food colors to make it colorful.
To look great for dinner this evening she’ll want you to get her Brazilian or Peruvian hair. There is no need for you to make fuzz about not having money to afford such things. If she feels so ugly that it is these hair that will make her feel beautiful, just go to the polo grounds and gather horse hair, come home wash the horse hair and spray it with air freshener. Naturally she will also need some make up to go with the whole suave look when you two go for dinner tonight, so get her some crayons and pastel. If she demands for a bag, tell her you had wanted a customized but when you went to Mallam to get the goat and cow hide you were told Hajjia had already come for them to prepare ‘wele’ for her ‘waakye’ and to attest to this you bought some of the ‘waakye’ and ‘wele’ from Hajjia as proof to her.
For Dinner tell Davi to reserve GHC 5.00 worth of roasted plantain and groundnuts. Let her package it nicely for you and then tell your girlfriend that you’d rather have dinner at home with her than go out. Immediately she comes to your house serve her some chilled ‘asana’ (liha) on rocks. If she however drinks alcohol, just go to the blue kiosk for ‘apio’ quarter and serve her with it. Tell her you are doing all these things because you are a firm believer in domestication and that the late Dan Lartey plagiarized this from you. If she patiently goes through all these without complaints or threats, offer her the real gift you bought for her, Borges Olive oil and a Holy Bible. If she refuses to take them, she is evil and so you must let her go but when she takes it in good faith then my brother you have found the best companion in the world. Do everything to keep her for a prayerful woman whose faith is entrenched in God is the best you can have in life. Happy Valentine’s Day to you all. Go out there and make me proud