RSS

Open Letter to Alfred Oko Vanderpuije

26 Jul
Open Letter to Alfred Oko Vanderpuije

Dear Uncle Rozay,

If there is one man I like in Accra, it is you. It is people like you who give some of us hope that our future will be bright and Patience being a Virtue has got nothing to do with traits Efo’s daughters who bear the names Patience and Virtue have. One would have thought your close resemblance to Rick Ross was a mere coincidence but alas, your political punch lines could earn you a Grammy Award which is to be held in Dzelukope. I had wanted to write this letter to you earlier on when you goofed on Joy Fm, on the issues of the market fires but then your cousin’s utterances beat you to it. Sad as I was when I realized I needed to address your cousin first, I knew deep within that a day will come when your actions and inactions will let me write you a letter.  The elders say the Chameleon will never act as a lizard and you are a true living testament of this saying.  So as I write you this letter, I pray you feel the same excitement I’m feeling right now when you read it. It is that kind of excitement a typical Ga man feels when he mentions the word, ‘hundred’ without the ‘H’ being silent during an interview.

Oko Rozay, as a true fan,(though I would prefer to be an air condition), this letter is not to bash you but rather give you suggestions as to how to become a better Mayor.  Almost all your good intentions have turned into disasters or near disasters. I do not know whether this is as a result of your deep knowledge in American culture which you want to forcefully transplant into those of us living in Accra. How on earth can you rebrand a ‘koklo k)b3b3’(local chicken with no feathers on its neck and head) into a broiler? First of all, you’ve not been able to catch any of the so called arsonists you accused of setting fires to the market places. Your only achievement as a Mayor per your own rants is abolishing the shift system in government schools in Accra and apart from this, you have done ‘foko’ per your own bragging rights. The only thing you’ve done and continue to do is grant your critics more points to boil you with like Ga k)mi.  To think that Oko the Americano will become a laughing stock is not something I ever thought of .Please next time you are called for an interview, plead the fifth like a true Americano and let your works speak for you. That is if you know you are delivering on the mandate of the people.

Oko I know in Genesis, God asked Adam to name all the plants and animals and things within the earth but for heaven’s sake that was long long long ago. The rate at which you keep naming and renaming things that have already been named is rather alarming and scary. Do you in anyway feel you are ADAM?  I fear we will gradually get to a point where you’ll ask us to name one of our body parts after you or someone within you political inclination. If I may ask, did you also see Atta Mill requesting for the hockey stadium to be named after him in your dreams after a huge bowl of kokonte with ‘abenkwan’ whilst watching a marathon of Ghost Nigerian films the night before you decided to rename the Hockey stadium? I can just picture Egya Atta shaking his head from left to right now saying ‘Awww Oko! wo3 gu menyim asi’ in his thick Fante accent. Next time you feel the urge to rename something, go and take a dip in the Korle lagoon and if it does not wash away the urge then go ahead and name the thing.

There is so much I would love to say but I feel it will sink in better if we meet face to face and stroke our individual beards gently like they do in Chinese movies as we have our talk.

Your Friend,

Efo Korsi Gator.

NB. I hear Madam Theodosia who you offended be renaming the hockey stadium which was named after her as a honor for being one of the pioneers of the sport is also planning to be a pioneer in the exportation of Ghanaian human hair to Brazil and Peru and so please put your beard under lock at home when you pay a courtesy call on her to apologies for you actions. Say hi to Nii Lantey and tell him I await his response.

Illustrator: The Black Narrator.

Advertisements
 
17 Comments

Posted by on July 26, 2013 in ARTICLES

 

Tags: , , ,

17 responses to “Open Letter to Alfred Oko Vanderpuije

  1. AL Ntow

    July 26, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    u know correct. lmao

     
    • soulbase

      July 26, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      Wey you be my paddy? heheheheheh

       
  2. Afi

    July 26, 2013 at 1:21 pm

    As if you were reading my mind. You couldn’t have said it any better Selikem.

     
  3. swaye

    July 26, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    Hahaha…maybe he’s the ‘Adam’ of his family. You never know

     
    • soulbase

      July 26, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      Then he should be called Adam Oko. Aloo?

       
  4. bigbull

    July 26, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    hahahahaha, you seems to know uncle Rozay too well, really enjoyed reading the letter.

     
    • soulbase

      July 26, 2013 at 2:38 pm

      He is my Ga Uncle ooooooh. hehehehe

       
  5. Amma Konadu

    July 26, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    “…If I may ask, did you also see Atta Mill requesting for the hockey stadium to be named after him in your dreams after a huge bowl of kokonte with ‘abenkwan’ whilst watching a marathon of Ghost Nigerian films the night before you decided to rename the Hockey stadium? I can just picture Egya Atta shaking his head from left to right now saying ‘Awww Oko! wo3 gu menyim asi’ in his thick Fante accent….”

    That cracked me up!

     
  6. Gaddafi Don Lansah

    July 26, 2013 at 3:11 pm

    hahahahahahahahhahahaaahahahahahaha….I am reading it for the 3rd time,nice piece

     
  7. maamebu

    July 26, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    hehehe hilarious

     
  8. crusader

    July 26, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    who voted this people into power…..my siano ppl will say crrrrowns

     
  9. Efo Dela

    July 26, 2013 at 5:33 pm

    Haha!
    Before Prez Mills died we were naming almost everything after Nkrumah and if people complained we named it after some foreigner like Bush or Obasanjo.
    Since Mills died suddenly they’ve got a new alternative to Nkrumah.
    SMH, Oko Adam for real

     
  10. Ritabuah1CFC

    July 26, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    hahahahahahahahahahaaahaha…… very hilarious.

     
  11. pag

    July 26, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    Okoh Adam indeed. Well said Efo Gator. Since he thinks he’s specialised in renamingi think it serves him right if we rename him Adam Oko Vanderpuije 🙂

     
  12. Lordson Ameamu

    July 28, 2013 at 11:45 pm

    This is serious

     
  13. kofilarbi30

    July 29, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    you mess up but on point. Rozay Adam Hoko Vanderpuiye

    ‘”Awww HOko! wo3 gu menyim asi”

     
  14. ivanaofori

    August 8, 2013 at 7:42 am

    Haaaaahahaha!!
    *dies laughing*

     

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: