Dear Efo Roozay,
First of all Happy New year to you my friend. Though I am very disappointed that I did not receive any reply to my last and first ever letter to you, I will let it be a bygone and ‘hope against hope’ (as my famous agbadza dancer Uncle Clever Thywillbedoneonearth Agbenorxevi will say) that you will reply this one. Let me first of all congratulate you on your ascension to the enviable Odum chair of the Mayor of Mayors as well as your $399 Doctorate Degree acquisition. I’m sure the beard was the deciding factor in these achievements. These day I do not see much of you. I think it is because I do not watch Television that much again. I know the higher you climb the ladder of life, the harder it becomes to see and recognize the people below but trust me I have been following your exploits. You do not know the joy I feel whenever your name pops up on my head. It is that same joy my twelve children felt when my mother of blessed memory travelled to Ho and brought 2 sachets of pure water as agbamekanu for her grandchildren.Trust me, their eyes lit with excitement as that of the trotro driver you ‘jossed’ last year when his trouser squeezed his balls from your tight grip on his trousers. Roozay the Commando mayor! Roozay the Don! The real Life Captain Haddock of Accra! Norvinye, I feel extemely elated just knowing that it is you I am writing to again. I think I will have to add it to my CV that you are my friend and not just a friend oooh but a close friend. Now let me contain my excitement and get to the reason for writing this letter.
Don Roozay, what most people do not know is that you had your 31st night watch service at the church that had the theme for 2015 as ‘This Nances must Stop’ and based on the preaching along with what the spirit revealed to you, the only way to stop the ‘Nances’ is to tackle it commando style which you are reinforcing . At the rate at which Accra is developing I’m wondering whether people can’t see it or whether it is sheer envy. Why do people always want to bring a good man down? The whole of this year, no Cholera, no flooding, crime has gone down, no hawking on the streets, all the streets have been named,evey house has a toilet, the shool no longer run shift, you run a very accountable assembly and Accra is now the epitome of what a capital city should look like. I hear other Mayors worldwide are consulting you for tips to improve their cities. Herh Oko you be Don wati! Mayor of Mayors ampaaa.
Herh, my Don Capon Oko Roro, I have heard what your detractors are saying and trust me all they can be are detractors to your agenda. What is even laughable is when they say the President should fire you. How can he fire you? A mayor who had his life’s training in The Westside of Brooklyn New York. If the president ever fires you, what happened on the streets of Brooklyn on the 15th of February 1995 will happen in Ghana. If they like they should ask Kofi Konadu Apraku. Commando Rozay, just like you I do not understand Ghanaians ooooh. Common shooting of car tyres too and they are making so much fuzz about it. Don’t they watch American movies? If the President can’t tell you to stop using a convoy and siren then what in Memuna’s name would make a lawyer feel he can make you stop? Naniama. Look it is high time we employ some Brooklyn style action levels. Herh, Oko you be Capon. You are too ‘melch’. For a lack of better description just like Tupac, all eyes are on you. You are like that cool village kid in a city school whose ironed starched uniform shirt with the spider web design with his gabardine hold my thighs pair of shorts is just had to ignore. I doff my atsatsa hat to you. You are indeed a Mayor after the President’s own heart so do not be perturbed by what people say.
Well, the boss Madam is looking for me and I have to dodge her small. Abii you know how women are. I think I have to come for some tips on how to manage her small, since you seem to be doing so fine with Mrs. Roozay. I will also need your secret formula for keeping my beard at the same level all year round. Kindly make sure you at least acknowledge receipt of this letter even if you do not deem it necessary to reply me. Till I hear from you, be strong and may the good Lord open the eyes of people to see who you really are.
Efo Koshi Gator of Alakple.