Tag Archives: Identity

My Love Letter to Yvonne Nelson

My Love Letter to Yvonne Nelson

Dear Yvonne Nelson,

This is not the usual love letter you receive that says, you are the only mosquito in my net so bite me or your smile rivals the sun. No, this is a hard core love letter like no other. A love letter that is more about how much money we can make with the gift you have. The truth is that I never for once thought you’d be the first  to receive an letter from me this year,. Anyway happy New Year to you! Where did you spend your Christmas and New Year vacation, Dubia, Nigeria or the UK? As for me I was in Accra and Ho sampling fufu and grasscutter meat but I won’t be surprised if you’ve never tried it in the last 4 or five years. Enough of the fufu business.

I know you do not know me, so please, do not worry your brain trying to figure out where you know me from. I’m not really a fan of Ghanaian films and I’m sure you won’t recognize me as one of those who stare at you on screens.I could have decided to contact Inyanya to deliver this message for me,but I fear he’ll fall short because the guy is so fixated on your waist I’m sure he has a life size dummy of your waist to keep him sane .. What lies in your waist I’m yet to discover(though I’m not interested in that), maybe you can tell me whether it has hydraulics or ball bearings.  Jon Germain would have been my other option but I was told you said, you never had anything to do with him and he was leeching to fame via you

Now, Yvey I know you are wondering why I’m writing you this letter. Well, my main reason for writing you this sweet letter is to tell you that all the people who are bashing you for saying your skin became ‘ripe’ due to your consistent use of Queen’s cocoa butter for the past three years know absolutely nothing about human agriculture. Truth be told, if in three years you could attain this ‘ripeness’ using Queen’s cocoa butter, I suspect in the next six years you’ll become transparent. Then at least we can have the Ghanaian sequel of the movie ‘The Invisible Man’ but this time it will be the ‘Invisible Woman’ starring YVONNE NELSON. I hope you’ll produce it yourself and allow me to direct.

To be honest with you Y-von, saying your beauty  glows like a  firefly all thanks to Queen cocoa butter can be seen as contempt but whether its a dying firefly or a live one is another thing all together.Unlike you, I’ve had the direct opposite of your experience using shea butter over. And so believe me when i say, I have a better understanding of you situation than Apostle Kojo Safo in reverse. I was a complete albino some years ago but the consistent usage of shea butter from the North has reversed my hitherto ‘ripe skin’ to become dark. And I fear I’ll soon become the alternative for nightfall. Traditionally, I’m not someone who makes resolutions but after my experiences last year I have made the decision that by all means necessary I want to make as much money as I can this year. It is for this reason you and I need to sit down so we see how we can see how best we can transplant this idea into plant agriculture so farmers can use Queen’s cocoa butter to ripen fruits like banana, mangoes, pawpaw and tomatoes. Oooooh yes tomatoes are fruits and and classified as berries so please lose that frown on your face. I know what I’m talking about. Just imagine the amount of money we will make providing farmers with the product. Aaarh lest I forget, please do not disclose your supplier to anyone lest they cash in on our preposition. You know Ghanaians, most of the time do not respect copyright.

Last year, you were ranting about how sexy your legs were. With no malice intended can you please let me know the SI for the measurement of sexy legs so I can measure some legs that claim to be in the same category as yours. All I want to do is eliminate any sort of competition. We can actually make some extra cash opening clinics that measure the sexiness of legs in Ghana per your standards and the extend it to the rest of Africa and the world. Our elders say Judge not your beauty by the number of people who look at you, but rather by the number of people who smile at you and you make me smile anytime I think about you. At least that’s what my mind wants me to believe as a fact but the truth is a fact can be the truth or a lie. I’m yet to discover what kind of fact it is though. Do you know the legs are referred to as cassava sticks by some tribes in Ghana? And so literally speaking if your legs were cassava sticks what type would they be? ‘Dis na jus kwesion oooh make you no vex.’

It is said that when a once-beautiful piece of Kente cloth has turned into rags, no one remembers that Kpetoe master weavers wove it.  I believe everyone and everything has beauty in it, however it is how you exhibit this beauty that reflects your true nature. You are indeed a talent and a viable asset to me now and so I advise we act aptly on your discoveries and make money with them.  Babe its all about the cash!

I really look forward to you replying  so please grant me the opportunity of getting to know you better and transacting business with you. Cos like Pae Dea said it Money over Bridges this year.

Your lover to be,

Koku Gator I


Posted by on January 8, 2014 in ARTICLES


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It is out of ignorance that the he- goat mounts its mother with pride

And so I offer you my thoughts for sale

Not to the highest bidder or the lowest bidder

But to those  of you, who will lend my your ears

An elder does not by pass a child who has drawn his catapult

With the pebble aimed at child’s own chest

So these words I speak, I speak because I have to speak them

We have returned to an empty home full of people

The cloth that secured us firmly to the back of our existence

now hangs at the entrance of the public lavatory

Where our identity was raped at noon

You call the ways of our fathers archaic and the songs of our mother soulless

Yet you find no meanings in your new ways

For so long have you span these lies you spent fortunes on

Trying to convince yourselves that they are the truth

Forgetting that no matter how black a cow is, its milk is always white

So these I ask you

Have you ever seen a blind man cat call after a beautiful damsel who walks past him

Or have you ever seen a corn develop a cob without tasseling.

Have you? Eeerh!

Have you?

So how will you define who you if you do not know what you are?

*Feature image from

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Posted by on May 23, 2013 in Poems


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One Ghana Cedi Thoughts

One Ghana Cedi Thoughts

Another Friday is here again and as I walked to my usual Hausa Koko joint for my daily dosage of breakfast this morning, I couldn’t help but notice the difference in the appearance of the various people I passed by. They looked more of themselves though I wonder if they felt like that, suave and beautiful in the local wax print attires they were wearing compared to the so called official wear that made them look like the proverbial monkey that ignores banana to eat butter. For a while I was confused as to why a lot of people were dressed in local prints then it dawn on me that today is a Friday hence the ‘FRIDAY WEAR’. As usual of me I started laughing hysterically, an act that attracted a few raised eye brows which did not perturb me in any way. In this country we do a lot of funny and crazy things all in the name of modernization and yet day in day out we cry that local business is not booming. How on earth can we just dedicate a day out of the five working week days of a week to wearing clothes made from local prints and why not the other way round? Pathetic! How will the textile and fashion industries develop if we have this lackadaisical attitude towards it? We have become the so generous husband who will give out his wife to his best friend all in the name of generosity. At times I wonder if we as Ghanians have any identity at all. Our attitude towards what belongs to us is so funny that we will readily accept anything foreign to implement at the expense of what we have and know to be the best. Take for example how with the emergence of Beer bars, palm wine bars have faded out of the system.

Gone are the days when palm wine bars were there places to be because you were for sure not only going to get a treat of a refreshing natural drink but also a good dosage of palm wine highlife music a rich dosage of authentic Ghanaian music, good delicacies (grasscutter light soup, roasted maize and groundnuts) history and gossip(local and international). You always walked out of the palm wine bar learning a thing or two about the history of your community, life in general and having a song composed with your name in it once you buy a calabash or two for the palm wineists who most of the times are also comedians as well as parodist of the local scene. Unlike the palm wine bars, beer bars offer you akpeteshie that will normally cost you forty pesewas a tot at two cedis and above just because the name has been changed from akpeteshie to names such as Vodka, black label and cognac. Since when did all ‘paintey’ stop being ‘paintey’? Most of the young men are carrying beer induced pregnancies with only God knowing when they will deliver (Please I’m not one of them) and most of the discussions that go on there revolves around the size and shape of the breast or arse of the girl who just walked pass the table, politics, girl problem and most importantly past track records of drinking and womanizing levels. If you think I’m lying, I’m willing to bet my one Ghana cedi on this especially today being a Friday.

The question we need to ask ourselves is do we intend to leave a legacy of a true Ghanaian identity for the next generation based on our belief and appreciation of the indigenous things we have as Ghanians, our a legacy that is based on our misplaced priorities and borrowed identities that say absolutely nothing about us? Hate it or love it we need to sit up and act on the direction we want to go. As for me my one Ghana cedi thoughts will always be expressed.


Posted by on March 15, 2013 in ARTICLES


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