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Tag Archives: Open Letter

Unapologetic Open Letter to Brig Gen. Nunoo rtd

Unapologetic Open Letter to Brig Gen. Nunoo rtd

Dear General,

It has never been my intention to write to you but with your rants over the last four days I can’t ignore you inasmuch as I want to. Let me first apologies on behalf of the good people of Ghana for tolerating the likes of you as leaders. Well the good news is, just as you do not give a hoot about the plight people are going through in the hands of your government, I give a hoot about what you said hence my willingness to write you this letter. Now in order for us to have this conversation I will crave you indulgence to allow me call you by pet names I have coined out of you names. This will bring out my level headedness and prevent me from saying things I will apologies for.

Uncle Nunu, hehehehehe your name alone should even get you to feature in a nunu milk television or radio commercial. At least you would be in the media for a good reason, promoting the drinking of milk rather passing provoking politically inclined comments. I can just picture you refusing a cup of tea without nunu milk, not being apologetic about it and your dialogue being something like ‘Either give me nunu milk or get out’. Epic!

Enough said about your name.  It is said that in every house there is a Mensah and so if for you think you are the only Mensah in Ghana then you indeed do not know how to tickle yourself for the right effect.  We all know it is easy to get talked about in the media, just say something foolish in the name of politics and you’ll make the headlines. But did you have to stoop so low to join the ranks of Ayariga, Akua Donkor , Oko Rozay and Kof Wayo? If you think you will still maintain you rank of a Brigadier General among them, then you are mistaken, for ‘Herselency’ Ekua Donko will not entertain it at all.(Free advise)

By the way, Nunuuu Miliky, just as you, I have not eaten the whole day and there are no oranges growing where I am so no orange juice for me. See how fortunate you are? I do not expect you to sympathize with me for you are a tough person. At least that’s what you tell yourself in your mind. You see, the difference between you and I is that, your choice of orange juice is not because you do not have options but because that is what you chose to have. How then can you call that sarcrifice? My choice of not having breakfast is as a result of me just being able to afford a meal a day. The funny thing is that my late uncle I Know My Redeemer Liveth also used the phrase’ I have not eaten the whole day’ whenever he wasn’t served his favorite bowl of Yakeyake and so it makes it hard for me to believe you. After all, just as you he was a security expert and security experts are known to be good lairs. Oooh yes!  In his one-man village, he was the chief security expert.

Now my good old Don Nunoo, unless you are willing to provide the ram miraculously for the sacrifice do not ask us to sacrifice our sons for we are no Abrahams. I wonder if you understand the word sacrifice after hopping from one political party to the other for your own convenience based on which of them is in power. If you think building a classroom block is sacrifice then think again.  Sacrifice is when you have to queue in the scorching sun to vote for people who win power and are mismanaging the country. Sacrifice is working for 22 months without pay and you are only paid for two months because you threatened a strike action. Sacrifice is when you have tariffs increased by people who do not pay tariffs and they expect you to be cool with it. Sacrifice is when the cost of living is so unbearable yet before you go to bed you pray that things would get better for you are doing your possible best for it to be so. To be honest with you, aside you riding in your V8 with a motorcade leading you at the expense of the taxpayer; we really do not know what you do as a security advisor. By the way I thought security persons are discreet so why the rants and insults?  Do you know that one of the highest forms of indiscipline is leaving your designated job to do another person’s job? Even Fifi Kwetey no longer does propaganda but finance.

Instead of you advising the President on how a beauty pageant called Miss Buy Ghana is exploiting Ghanaian girls in Brazilian and Peruvian weaves as contestants you are saying ‘Gbeshi’ things that if we feel the country is too hot for us we should leave.  If you get angry and want me to apologies, please note that, I am relocating from Anyako to Dzelukope and I’m not obliged in any way to apologies.

Your not amused new friend,

Efo Korshi Gator.

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Posted by on October 22, 2013 in ARTICLES

 

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Open Letter to Alfred Oko Vanderpuije

Open Letter to Alfred Oko Vanderpuije

Dear Uncle Rozay,

If there is one man I like in Accra, it is you. It is people like you who give some of us hope that our future will be bright and Patience being a Virtue has got nothing to do with traits Efo’s daughters who bear the names Patience and Virtue have. One would have thought your close resemblance to Rick Ross was a mere coincidence but alas, your political punch lines could earn you a Grammy Award which is to be held in Dzelukope. I had wanted to write this letter to you earlier on when you goofed on Joy Fm, on the issues of the market fires but then your cousin’s utterances beat you to it. Sad as I was when I realized I needed to address your cousin first, I knew deep within that a day will come when your actions and inactions will let me write you a letter.  The elders say the Chameleon will never act as a lizard and you are a true living testament of this saying.  So as I write you this letter, I pray you feel the same excitement I’m feeling right now when you read it. It is that kind of excitement a typical Ga man feels when he mentions the word, ‘hundred’ without the ‘H’ being silent during an interview.

Oko Rozay, as a true fan,(though I would prefer to be an air condition), this letter is not to bash you but rather give you suggestions as to how to become a better Mayor.  Almost all your good intentions have turned into disasters or near disasters. I do not know whether this is as a result of your deep knowledge in American culture which you want to forcefully transplant into those of us living in Accra. How on earth can you rebrand a ‘koklo k)b3b3’(local chicken with no feathers on its neck and head) into a broiler? First of all, you’ve not been able to catch any of the so called arsonists you accused of setting fires to the market places. Your only achievement as a Mayor per your own rants is abolishing the shift system in government schools in Accra and apart from this, you have done ‘foko’ per your own bragging rights. The only thing you’ve done and continue to do is grant your critics more points to boil you with like Ga k)mi.  To think that Oko the Americano will become a laughing stock is not something I ever thought of .Please next time you are called for an interview, plead the fifth like a true Americano and let your works speak for you. That is if you know you are delivering on the mandate of the people.

Oko I know in Genesis, God asked Adam to name all the plants and animals and things within the earth but for heaven’s sake that was long long long ago. The rate at which you keep naming and renaming things that have already been named is rather alarming and scary. Do you in anyway feel you are ADAM?  I fear we will gradually get to a point where you’ll ask us to name one of our body parts after you or someone within you political inclination. If I may ask, did you also see Atta Mill requesting for the hockey stadium to be named after him in your dreams after a huge bowl of kokonte with ‘abenkwan’ whilst watching a marathon of Ghost Nigerian films the night before you decided to rename the Hockey stadium? I can just picture Egya Atta shaking his head from left to right now saying ‘Awww Oko! wo3 gu menyim asi’ in his thick Fante accent. Next time you feel the urge to rename something, go and take a dip in the Korle lagoon and if it does not wash away the urge then go ahead and name the thing.

There is so much I would love to say but I feel it will sink in better if we meet face to face and stroke our individual beards gently like they do in Chinese movies as we have our talk.

Your Friend,

Efo Korsi Gator.

NB. I hear Madam Theodosia who you offended be renaming the hockey stadium which was named after her as a honor for being one of the pioneers of the sport is also planning to be a pioneer in the exportation of Ghanaian human hair to Brazil and Peru and so please put your beard under lock at home when you pay a courtesy call on her to apologies for you actions. Say hi to Nii Lantey and tell him I await his response.

Illustrator: The Black Narrator.

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2013 in ARTICLES

 

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