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Tag Archives: Perception

When a Goat is asked to Shave its Goatee.

When a Goat is asked to Shave its Goatee.

Over the last few days I have monitored the rants of my good friend Daniel about people’s reaction at his office to his beard and all I can tell him is, welcome to the world I knew some years ago.  I believe it is Indi Arie and Akon who sang the song “I’m not my hair” which literally is very true with most of our Ghanaian ladies since the wear weave more than their hair.  Before I digress, let me just stick to the reason of writing this note.

In the Ghanaian community, there is this colloquial prejudice about young men growing beards. As to why people find it irritating to see young men grow beards, I’m yet to hear any convincing and tangible reason for these pathetic reactions.  Some years ago I had the pleasure of telling an elder of the church I attend my piece of mind when he told me not to come to church on Sunday with my beard and that if I dare come with it, he will shave it for me. Those who know the no nonsense part of me can just imagine how I reacted. I’m sure he regretted ever raising that issue because even my Dad later on told him that even he, my father had no say in how I wanted to keep or kept my beard since I was an adult.

One of the growth traits that come with the aging of a Billy goat is the growing of a beard. So from afar we can identify a Billy goat from others. Beards are beautiful and a natural part of a man’s face. I cannot fathom fighting a daily battle against something my own body does naturally. Its masculine qualities. The fact that men can grow beards is a characteristic that nature has given us to distinguish ourselves from the female gender and add more character to our individual personality.  Before I joined my new company, one of the many things some friends and family told me was to shave off my beard before I go for an interview.  I found this laughable because at the end of the day it was the experience I had gather over the years and how impactful I was going to be that mattered most. My beard was therefore not going to hinder my capability to deliver on what was demanded of me and knowing the industry in which I worked, whether you had a beard or not was not a determinant of whether you’ll get a job or not.  Most of us wear our beards for different reasons.

Some wear their as defiance to society, some because of physiological reasons, some because they can’t afford to be going to the barbering shop every week and some because of philosophical reasons. So tell me, who are you to tell a Billy goat to loose its beard?

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Posted by on November 13, 2013 in ARTICLES

 

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Val’s Day Surprise. Hahahahaha

The bases of all relationships is LOVE, however, there are a lot of things that need to be invested in relationships to make them work. Romantic love is a -two way traffic thing but then again the worst feeling one can have is to be in a relationship and yet feel lonely. Today as we celebrate Valentine’s day, one of the many borrowed cultures we hold in high esteem, most of the young ladies are going to legally(though with no constitutional backing) extort things they need from us (guys) in the name of love, yet most of us guys will not get any presents at all.  Let us look at this hypothetical story of our good friend Koo Kusi who earns GHC700.00 as monthly salary and is in love with a lady who wants him to take her out for dinner today at a plush place. On the average a dinner for two on Val’s day will cost GHC 300.00, he has to get her a box of Swiss chocolate  which will cost GHC 100.00, a customized bracelet or necklace which will cost him GHC 150.00. You’ll realize that I have not even factored in transportation and other ‘komininis’ but our Koo Kusi who is in love has exhausted all his monthly income on a night out all in the name of Valentine’s day. So you see that being single on Valentine’s Day saves guys a lot of money on this day? I know most ladies reading this will say it is the duty of a guy to spend on his girlfriend but the question is must you, ladies, always be at the receiving end? For a change take you boyfriend out and do these this for him. So in my quest to find a lasting solution to stopping this extortion I came up with some perfect ideas of gifts to give to your girlfriend who feels it is a must for her to extort you on Val’s Day.

Girls love surprises on days like this, so instead of introducing her to your real girlfriend which will be more than a surprise to her, offer her breakfast in bed on condition that she will get the hot water ready. If she had slept over at your place all you need to tell her is to heat some water for you and tell her you’d be right back. Go to the provision kiosk around the corner and buy ‘thisway chocolate drink’ and trust nia wo hia ni nsio sh3.

Today being a day for Chocolate, one of the paramount demands is for you to get her chocolate. If you can’t afford the Swiss chocolate that she wants, go get cocoa powder, add a little sugar to it and make a paste which you then very shallowly fry in some few drops of Frytol or Coconut oil, dry the past so it becomes hard and there is your chocolate for her.

Aside chocolate she is  going to demand for Ice cream so just go to the provision Kiosk and and buy ‘Di na ta’ milk powder GHC 2.00 come home, add some sugar to it, a little cornflour, make a thick solution out of this and put it in your freeze and there! You have Ice cream for her. You can add different food colors to make it colorful.

To look great for dinner this evening she’ll want you to get her Brazilian or Peruvian hair. There is no need for you to make fuzz about not having money to afford such things. If she feels so ugly that it is these hair that will make her feel beautiful, just go to the polo grounds and gather horse hair, come home wash the horse hair and spray it with air freshener. Naturally she will also need some make up to go with the whole suave look when you two go for dinner tonight, so get her some crayons and pastel. If she demands for a bag, tell her you had wanted a customized but when you went to Mallam to get the goat and cow hide you were told Hajjia had already come for them to prepare ‘wele’ for her ‘waakye’ and to attest to this you bought some of the ‘waakye’ and ‘wele’ from Hajjia as proof to her.

For Dinner tell Davi to reserve GHC 5.00 worth of roasted plantain and groundnuts. Let her package it nicely for you and then tell your girlfriend that you’d rather have dinner at home with her than go out. Immediately she comes to your house serve her some chilled ‘asana’ (liha) on rocks. If she however drinks alcohol, just go to the blue kiosk for ‘apio’ quarter and serve her with it. Tell her you are doing all these things because you are a firm believer in domestication and that the late Dan Lartey plagiarized this from you. If she patiently goes through all these without complaints or threats, offer her the real gift you bought for her, Borges Olive oil and a Holy Bible. If she refuses to take them, she is evil and so you must let her go but when she takes it in good faith then my brother you have found the best companion in the world. Do everything to keep her for a prayerful woman whose faith is entrenched in God is the best you can have in life. Happy Valentine’s Day to you all. Go out there and make me proud

 
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Posted by on February 14, 2013 in ARTICLES

 

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What Do We Seek?

What Do We Seek?

The institution of marriage is as ancient as it can be and as such all religions over the world have great respect for this institution. Though marriage is believed to have love as its bases, the trend seems to be different these days. These days, society’s perception about what should entail a love relationship leading to marriage seems to be based on material wealth and personality rather than entering a relationship based on the person’s character and so most of us in order to fit into this grand scheme are living fake lives with people, pathetically believing in these fake lives as the real us.

Some few months before my Dad passed away, I had the chance to have a son and father chat about marriage and relationships. As to what sparked the conversation I can’t really tell but somehow we ended up talking about this. One of the questions he asked me was when I was going to introduce my girlfriend to him and all I did was laugh since I had none. However one of the most important things he said that has stuck in me, is that most of us young men want to get everything before we get married but what entails this everything? Well it s true some of us want to have our own well furnished apartments, car, a fat bank account and a good job. Who can blame a young man for having such a dream in relation to marriage? Trust me I’ve dated at most two ladies who at the end of the day felt I had nothing to offer them because I do not drive a car like my friends do.

Two years ago when I was directing and producing a TV talk show and the hostess had the chance to interview the owner of the hotel which was our location and his lovely wife.To be honest with you and I, they never came across to me as people who had gone through hardships in life looking at the wealth they had. Apparently when they got married 26 years ago they lived in a thirty feet container which was half full of car spare parts and according to the woman her friends shunned her company and most of the time she had to pretend that everything was okay when friends and family visited even though things proved to be very difficult at time. According to the man he had wanted to marry another lady but the lady told him specifically that he was just a mere spare parts dealer leaving in a container. A thirty feet container for that matter with nothing to his name. Now not only is he the representative of JVC electronics in West Africa but also runs his own businesses. I’m indeed humbled by their story

Listening to them, a thought about what most of the current crop of ladies seek in young guys like me who are potential husbands knock me hard like a dondo stick drumming a dondo. I’m one of those people who believes that the best person to be my spouse has to be a good friend but trust me I’ve been a failure in getting any of the two friends I fell in love with over the years to date me. Back in those days when I spoke to one of the two and all she said was ‘Selikem do not start those things with me today’ and just laughed. Upon analysis I’ve realized that though we are good friends I do not possess the things they believe a potential boyfriend of theirs must have in terms of material or spiritual things(That’s how I see it). Sadly enough I can’t pretend to be what I’m not to get what I want and need and so I let things be hoping and praying that things will change pretty soon. It is indeed very difficult to understand a woman and her wants from where I’m positioned and most guys share these sentiments with me. Most of the ladies would prefer someone who can readily provide for them rather than someone like me who is now building up a life and not well to do. Most of the time I wonder what runs through their mind when you become successful later on in life and theirs is a scum. Something I wish wouldn’t befall any of my two adorable friends since it will just be too much for me to bear.

On the other hand why would I blame these ladies who want already ‘cooked meals’ when some guys are just heartless and would send the ladies who tirelessly worked with them parking with the flimsiest of excuses when they feel the there are well to do and therefore no longer need the services of these noble ladies. So for me, no matter what happens I want to be ‘me’ in any relationship I find myself and have respect, love, appreciation and gratitude to all persons in my life especially the lady I will get married to whether I’m rich or poor and as my friends I will like to encourage you to do the same but the question still remains ‘What do we seek in a relationship’?

 

 
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Posted by on January 28, 2013 in ARTICLES

 

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Size on Sight

Size on Sight

Any guy who says he doesn’t have a shopping list in terms of the physical nature of the girl he dates, has dated or will date is a pathological liar. Aside a cool face, the lady must have sizable mounds on her chest, firm hips and legs supporting a buttocks that is as loud as a vuvuzela blown directly into your ears. For most of we men, nothing beats a well- shaped hip and buttocks well packaged in a nice dress (whether over zealously huge or small). Our heads just tilt and pan like the drooling balls of a Sokoto red goat and trust me some of us will definitely ask the lady “wo tu nunu?” Having said this I had a gut feeling that beyond what a Ghanaian man can offer a lady in terms of material needs and also based of his looks Ghanaian ladies also look out for some physical attributes to judge the size of a guy’s manhood before they decide whether they want to date him or not.

My French colleague yesterday said that she has noticed that a lot of Ghanaian men drive ‘huge cars’ and that in Paris it was literally translated into an inversely proportional relation between size of car and size of manhood and in plain words she said, ’the bigger a man’s car, the smaller his dick.’( With a French accent).  And trust me to ask how that translated to those who walk or ride a bicycle. So armed with this I set out to find out whether Ghanaian ladies considered the size of a guy’s manhood before they enter into a sexual or romantic relationship with him without having the guy to remove his clothes.

I already know there is a theory out there that says the bigger a guy’s buttocks the smaller his manhood and vice versa but trust me some of us have proved that theory wrong.  I do have a sizable buttocks but my manhood is nothing near small( hahahaha allow me to brag small). In your own imagination you can decide to judge its size because I’m not going to tell you whether it is medium, large, extra-large or extra-extra -large since it is not a shirt size you are shopping for. After making a few calls to some lady friends who I trusted to give me answers on this issue, I can’t help but laugh at the references I got. References ranging from the size of the guy’s hands and how straight they are; the longer the fingers the longer the manhood, the stouter the fingers, the stouter the manhood, the crooked the finger, the crooked (straightness) the manhood. Others told me that the kind of shoes worn by the person is also an indication of the type of manhood the guy has. The longer the shoe, the longer the guys shoe, if the guy like to wear Ali Baba and the forty thieves kind of shoe it means the shaft of his manhood is not straight. If his palm size is big and wrist is short then, the manhood size of him is small and it vary according to the difference in shape. Others said they use the distance between the guys thumb and index finger to determine the length. Hmm our ladies are going through a lot just to determine the size of our manhoods if you ask me. All you need to do is get naked and most guys will follow suit. Hahahahahaha but come to think of it does size really supersede performance? Wow! A lot goes on in a lady’s head but at this point all I care to know is any of these hypothesis can be proved.

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2013 in ARTICLES

 

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